Valiant Returns!! X-O Manowar #1

Important Details to get out of the way first--

X-O Manowar #1
Publisher: Valiant Entertainment
Writing: Robert Venditti
Pencils: Cary Nord
Inks: Stefano Gaudiano
Colors: Moose Baumann
Cover Art By: Esad Ribic, Cary Nord, David Aja, and Jelena Kevic-Djurdjevic
Editing (he's essential): Warren Simons

There we go.

Due to a variety of reasons, I can't make it to the Free Comic Book Day festivities today. So I figure I might as well post a comic book "review". That should cover for my long Grognerdy absence, eh?

Valiant Comics was an important part of my latter youth. They and the Epic imprint really did a lot to change my perspective on how comics are made, marketed, and enjoyed. There's more to be said there, and there are many more comic book obsessed people who are infinitely more qualified than I am to get into it. But Valiant hasn't been around for a long, long time...

...And they return with an epic smash-fist of a goddamned great comic. Just insert a whole bunch of needless hyperbole right here, alright? The truth is that this is an excellent tale of the sequential art persuasion. Cary Nord's art is only magnified by Gaudiano and Baumann's efforts, and Nord knocks it out of the park. So, yeah, the art is awesome. I loved it. I think there's a panel or two where I was, like, "Hmmm", but it doesn't matter. I can't take art THAT seriously. All I really give a fuck about is "Is it rad?"; and the answer to that, my friends, is "CROM, YES". Nord brings the same game he brought to Conan, and it really shows and shows hard.

Then there's the writing and story. Right, so X-O Manowar back in the 90s can be looked up here. Read that? No? Well, the main character is a Visigoth* dude named Aric. He's from 5th century Dacia. I cannot tell you how many history boners I have seeing "Dacia" in comic books. There's Romans, too, and Aric fucks their shit up hardcore. But all is for naught, as the Romans are a murderlicious beat-down machine. Don't worry, though, Alaric, who makes an appearance (perhaps there to increase the enormity of my nerd -boner zeppelin fleet), will beat the fucking hell out of Rome and even sack their ass.

(*Think a people comprised of angry historical Goths, not an army of arthouse types who look like Robert Smith or Christian Death. Or Lycia and the Virgin Prunes. See? I know my goth shit, yo.) 

Take that, you Roman dicks.

Anyways, Aric bumps into these aliens who call themselves The Vine and gets abducted. There's this suit of armor that they have and no one can wear, but then Aric shows up and plans his escape right away... and you can see where this is all going. It's Spartacus meets Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon. Except instead of some raging pussy* from America (or Britain, for you fellow Dan Dare fans), he's a Dacian Visigoth Asshander. Space Spartacus is gonna fight the Space Romans. It's pretty freaking sweet, actually. This first issue is all set-up and leaves things ready to jam into high gear come #2. I'm already excited for it.

(*Comparatively. And apologies to any women's groups offended.) 

Now, for you fellow History Geeks, don't expect the history shown to be perfect, but kudos to Robert Venditti for going the extra mile for verisimilitude's sake (onagers!). Also, it's a rip-roaring tale which makes me fall in love with comics all over again. This is why I read comic books, goddammit. I just hope they can keep the awesome up as the story progresses. Massive high-fives and salutants to Mr. Venditti.

To the crew of X-O Manowar: VICTORIA! VICTORIA! Per aspera ad astra!

One final note: I hope Valiant doesn't mind, but I had to find an image of this and post it in this write-up. It is my favorite part of the comic and shows just how committed these guys are to telling a great story.

Just click on it already!!!

Dude. I about crapped myself with glee.

Nutshell: If you love pulp action, history, sci-fi laser stuff, aliens, and an overall epic feel to things, buy the hell out of X-O Manowar. Lovers of European historical fantasy, Heavy Metal, 2000 AD, Marvel and DC's cosmic material (that's you, Jim Starlin and Abnett & Lanning fanbeings), and role-playing nerds will all find this right up their respective tears-of-joy alleys.

Lethality: TOTALIS LEGIO MORTEM.

Wow, I really gushed, didn't I? I suppose it's been awhile since I read a comic I enjoyed this much. Other may not be so forgiving or kind, but I don't care. I will read this comic as long as it remains this cool.

Daken: Dark Wolverine #20 [Comic Review]

"These men? They are meat simply waiting to stop moving."

Rather than waiting until the end of the week to post a clump of comic book reviews ("reviews", really), I figure I can just post them individually and such. This also means it looks like I have more content and I'm doing more than trying to figure out the exact rules for a FATAL RPG LARP.

(That's right-- big, big letters.)

Today, let's look at the latest issue of Daken: Dark Wolverine, shall we? Beginning the near-senseless ramblings... NOW!

I was never much interested in reading Daken. Nope. The very thought of reading anything Wolverine related bores the shit out of me. And this is hilarious when you take into account that I'm 1) wearing a Wolverine t-shit, and 2) it's John Byrne's Wolverine on my t-shirt (this will be REALLY funny to those of you who know me as "the guy who murdered All The Rage"). Indeed, I didn't even know who the hell Daken is, exactly, until I looked him up on The Mighty Wikipedia.

Let's see... ah, yes, I knew he was Wolverine's son already... uh-huh... Oh, his name is Akihiro and Daken is his codename. Well, that makes perfect sense. Uh-huh... reading some more... I see. I see. So, Daken is Wolverine as a young man without re-booting Wolverine, maybe? It doesn't matter. From my quick research I can conclude that he is Wolverine, but younger and more interesting. And not Canadian.

There's a window here for me to crack a "And making him not-Canadian increases the interesting-factor of Daken three-fold", but I'll refrain. Don't worry, though, I also picked up the latest issue of Alpha Flight to check it out.

You may be asking yourself "But why did you buy Daken, Steve?" That's a very good question! Truth be told, I read the new Ghost Rider series on a whim, noticed that I still really enjoy Rob Williams' writing (he's a true gem from the 2000 AD stable-- also known as Great Britain), and saw him mention Daken on Twitter. I was, like, "Well, shit, I'll buy a copy and check it out, especially since it's a standalone."

Yes, this issue is a standalone; which means you don't need too much back story to know what's going on. It's also a love story, billed as a "love story of two psychopaths" or something like that. I suppose it is, too, and I also suppose that my idea of a "psychopath" deviates heavily from the vanilla bedsheets of mainstream superhero comics, but Williams does an excellent job with what he has. The art, headed up by Alessandro Vitti, is incredibly well done, as well as incredibly fitting for the book. I should also mention the colour-job by Cris Peter and Rachelle Rosenberg; it's excellent and totally enhances the mood of the overall story.

For more look-sees, I recommend heading over to Comic Book Resources for a preview.

If I may be honest, I would read more superhero comics if they were written like this. There's just enough edge to the story to appeal to my rather askew and violent tastes, and the dialog is consistent and interesting enough to draw me in. Your mileage may vary, of course, and I know a couple people out there that would find this comic to be offensive. It's certainly not for small children. But then again, if your 5 year old is reading this, a) nice to see your kid is as good a reader as I was at that age-- don't let them get a History degree or something just as useless, and b) you probably have other parent/child issues to worry over.

Oh, the story? Uh, Daken and this woman named Donna Kiel (she's FBI) deal with their feelings for each other... and they're kinda messed up and violent. And something about redemption. It reminds me a bit of my last relationship, actually. Too bad I don't have cool claws, a saner partner for that whole ordeal, or Wolverine for a dad.

It's a bit of a problem, you know? Growing up and telling my father "Dad, why can't you be Wolverine? I mean, the military thing is cool and all, but NATO didn't issue you an adamantium skeleton. I suppose the flight suits are cool, yeah" kinda got old after a while.

No, my father doesn't hate me. He probably should, though.

Nutshell version: This is one heck of a great standalone comic. Even if you don't read Daken, it's worth some ducats dropped down on it. No, it won't cure cancer or even make one bit prettier*, but you can be rest assured that this comic is in good hands.
(*chances are nothing would help in that department; sorry)



Also, am I to understand that Daken: Dark Wolverine #21 is the last issue? I should probably find that out and update. Oh, wait, just Googled that noise... Poop, looks like it. More confirmation here. It also looks like the trend of "Marvel always cancels the titles I read" soldiers on. Remember Irredeemable Ant-Man? One of my fave comics EVAR. And what happened to it? Murdered hardcore by cancellation.

UPDATE: #23 is the last issue of Daken: Dark Wolverine. Upside is I have some back issues and/or trades to purchase and read.


Lethality: While armed with only the best in vorpal weaponry, five out of six of the stalwart adventures were brutally killed. One crazed survivor came back to tell everyone "Goddammit, I might have to read Daken now."

Epilogue: I can't be the only one out there who envisions a group of orks chanting "DAKEN DAKEN DAKEN". And is it "Day-ken" or "Dack-en"? Hmmm...

--

Questions? Comments? You know the drill. Say something. SAY SOMETHING. Or email me.

News: CHIMAERA HERO BATTLES GAME STORMS FACEBOOK

Chimaera Studios is proud to announce the CHIMAERA HERO BATTLES game for Facebook! For over a decade Chimaera Studios has brought you their own comics filled with all kinds of Chimaera Heroes and Villains… and now you too can be a part of the action through the convenience of Facebook and the services of Signity Solutions as it's partner in development of the game. Create a Hero or Villain, participate in over 1000 Player Level Missions (with 3000 more in production!), check out more than 100 Special Missions containing dozens of levels worth of missions specific to a Chimaera comic title—with bonus awards, and go toe to toe with Chimaera characters like Silent Ghost, Lonebow, Wargod, Otherman, The American, Samurai Zombie, and many more played by actual Chimaera Comics creators!! That’s right: You can match power and wits with our writers, artists and game designers… Battle them at your own risk, boys and girls!

George T. Singley, the Owner and President of Chimaera Studios, has this to say: “Never before has anyone tried something THIS epic. This is the first true fully functional comic book ultra-experience all in one app! The unique combat system gives quick but immersive battle strategies that become endless— but it’s great for beginner online gamers and fantastic for seasoned online RPG and PVP battle gamers! The full range of playability and quick turn around in game of certain features gives an immersive player experience for a long, long time.”

CHIMAERA HERO BATTLES has a lot to offer gamers of all kinds, including engaging battles, a fantastic range of skills, lots of cool enhancements, and an enriched character upgrade system; plus you get near infinite player and income levelling. Casual and hardcore players alike will also be pleased to hear that CHIMAREA HERO BATTLES will constantly be adding new missions, upgrades, enhancements, special items and other features to the game! Not only that, but you can read Chimaera Comics IN GAME—while you PLAY!!

Singley adds: “So, let’s say you’re playing me, you can also be reading the comics Consortium of Justice, Hellhounds, Wargod, Titus, Blaze Anderson: Cosmonaut!, The Kraken, Jesus Hates Zombies, Her Majesty's Bulldog Brigade, Magus The Illusionist, Deadmen 6, The Secret Cross, Robo Death and much, much more. How awesome is that? Gang, I’m stoked. I could be playing instead of being quoted for this press release… Heck with it, I’m goin’ back to the game...see you there guys and gals!”

In his haste to get back to playing, George neglected to mention that there will also be an upcoming Nightmaera Horror Comics CHIMAERA HERO BATTLES Action Figures available for pre order (available in 8" and 5") among other things.

And what’s a launch without specials or promotions? The first 50,000 users to join CHIMAERA HERO BATTLES get 30 Consortium of Justice points if they nobly choose the Hero faction or 30 Syndicate of Sorrow points if they decide to play a nefarious Villain! 50,001 to 150,000 of the initial game player sign-ups will receive 20 In-Game Points to use for special upgrades and skill boosters! The last (but certainly not least!) group to benefit from initial beta launch sign-up and game play will be users 150,001 to 200,000, and they’ll earn 10 Bonus COJ or SOS In-Game Points straight out of the gate!!! And don’t worry; there’ll be specific Holiday specials and oh-so-much more to come, guys and gals!!! Hurry up and join the game free now to get your possible bonus COJ/SOS points. GO HERE to jump into the action!

At Chimaera Studios and Chimaera Comics, we endeavour to bring you only the best in entertainment across industry genres. Whether you are a dedicated geek or just passing through for a good time, we’re there for you! We are positive that if you’re looking for a killer Facebook game app to grab your attention, then CHIMAERA HERO BATTLES is just the ticket to ride you need.

The Secret Cross Blog is LIVE! [Secret Cross]

The Weird War One comic I'm working on (with Stephen Lindsay and Dominic Vivona) has its own website now, and more importantly: its own blog. So, please follow that link and check it out, as I will be doing Secret Cross updates, previews and etc through there!

Once again: THE SECRET CROSS BLOG.

Come on down and look around... leave a comment to let us know what ye think.





Welcome to the Weird Front, troop-- we all have a secret cross to bear.

Page in the Execution [Secret Cross]

I was going to wait until Monday to show this off... but goddammit, it's so damned good we feel the need the world should see it now.

Below is a page (just pencils and inks) by primary Secret Cross artist Dominic Vivona. It's the opening page for the first Secret Cross short, Humanity in the Execution. It should be also noted that this is where the primary Secret Cross story kicks off.


As always, be sure to click on the image to see it in all of its beautiful glory.

While there are quite a few stories being worked on, here are the shorts which are already at the art stages:

Humanity in the Execution
Höllenhaus
Tank Eaters
Frohe Weinachten

Have no fear, other stories are being written up as I type this. And hopefully we can get art to all of them!

For more on this project that Stephen Lindsay, Dominic Vivona, me, and our guest-artist friends are hard at work on, just visit this last post and follow the links.


And remember:

WE ALL HAVE A SECRET CROSS TO BEAR.

(more information and previews can now be found here)

We all have a Secret Page to bear... [Secret Cross]

Here's some of what I posted in my Livejournal earlier...

Like I've said a couple times already, Stephen Lindsay and I are writing up comic shorts under the banner TALES OF THE SECRET CROSS to be put up on the Secret Cross website very soon. Already, the artists we're working with are churning out superior work straight from their dark and twisted hearts, helping us chronicle this covert German outfit and spanning from 1869 to 1925.

One story that is being written by Stephen (or Steve-L as only I like to call him!) is Höllenhaus, which has the remarkable Breno Tamura on art duties. And guess what I have for you? The first pencilled and inked page!


Go ahead and give that image a click to make it bigger, ja!


And here are the links to the previous SECRET CROSS posts:
Eddy, Black Hans and Willi designs and a group shot.
Roy and Zhel.
Jup and Rudi.
Captain Füller and a Soldat.
Original teaser/cover image and some information on the Secret Cross.

More to come soon!

Weird War Love [Comics Safari!]

Instead of miniatures this witching hour, how about some Weird War Tales covers? Yeah?

I thought so.

See, I just can't help loving this classic comic book anthology series-- especially after the work I've been doing on The Secret Cross. This stuff is inspirational, entertaining, and highly, highly influential for me.

I grew up on these books, man.





I love that one above. Brilliant!



Nazi gorillas... imagine that!



Above is a fave from when I was a youngin'.



G.I. Robot!!!



Ahhhh... A Kubert CLASSIC.



Ever wonder what's wrong with comics today? I'll tell you: NOT ENOUGH CENTAURS VS. TANKS. That's pretty much it in a nutshell, folks.





Nein! Voodoo Ratzis!



AWESOME.



Of course, I'm partial to anything WWI these days.







Above is another all-time Weird War fave cover o' mine.

And before we're done, you HAVE to see this:



That is such a rad cover.

I pulled these images from all over the web, but one great place I found eventually is coverbrowser.com! Here are their Weird War Tales ones.

See if you can find one with the undead Native American warriors going to battle in space.


God, I love Weird War Tales. And I dug the Vertigo re-vamp ones, too... but they just didn't have the same feel (though they were still fantastic).

Alright, bedtime for me. Hope you enjoyed this!

Two new Secret Cross characters! [Secret Cross]

Below are a couple more character designs for THE SECRET CROSS, as done by the massively talented Dominic Vivona.

Also, www.secretcross.com is in our hands now. Expect a site there soon.

Also, also, a Secret Cross anthology? One where it has the very first mission of the Allmacht's Secret Cross in 1870, MORE WWI madness, and maybe even a tale set in 1905 Colonial German Africa? You betcha. There is already a new tale as done by another very talented artist that we should reveal soon.

Until then, enjoy these characters!

First up we have Jäger Roy Kaplan, a man of Jewish heritage who is fiercely dedicated to his Reich and Kaiser. Roy is an infiltration and suppression expert and is utterly, utterly fearless.



Next up is Serzhant (Sgt.) Zhel, a serious bad-ass from Bulgaria. If you need someone to butcher a path through the enemy with his bare hands, this is your man. Mess with Zhel at your own peril, lest you become the mess yourself.



And there you go! More character designs should be landing soon. In the meantime, try to keep those smokes lit and socks dry.

Be sure to check out the char-designs for Jup and Rudi, then Captain Füller and a Soldat, as well as the excellent cover/teaser images Dom did (and more info on the SC can be found there too)!

Secret Cross Armistice Day teasers and interview [Secret Cross]

Happy Armistice/Remembrance/Veteran's day to everyone, and I would like to thank all the vets out there for their outstanding service to their respective countries. A great big Thank You goes out to my father as well, who not only served in the Marines in the 50's and then later in the Air Force in Thailand during the Vietnam War but was also a Cold Warrior and was there to be the top Radar Tech guy for E-3A NATO AWACS during the 80's (read here for cool NATO AWACS info).

In the spirit of the day, I have two more of Dom's character designs to show you:


Go ahead and click on them to make 'em bigger. Who you're seeing is Jup, a jack-of-all-trades scout-sniper, mechanic and pilot (actually based on a real WWII vet I knew while growing up in Germany); and Rudi, the heavy weapons, axe-swinging driver of the unit. Don't worry, there are more guys coming, and then there are, of course, all of the "expendables" (not that these "name" guys are sacred or anything!).

The other treat I have for you is the interview Stephen Lindsay (my writing/creation partner) did for Comic Monsters. READ IT HERE!

And just in case you're showing up for the first time, check out the first two character designs here, and the SECRET CROSS teaser/cover image here. All art by the masterful Dominic Vivona!

Alrighty, stay tuned for more madness to come, troops.

The Secret Cross Gets Underway! [Secret Cross]

Hey folks! It looks like The Secret Cross, the WWI (etc) horror comic book project that Stephen Lindsay, Dominic Vivona and myself are working on is trucking ahead at full speed!

Check out these two character designs Dom is showing off:







Be sure to click on the images to see them in all of their bigger-sized glory.

We're thinking the first 12-page short, HUMANITY IN THE EXECUTION, will land in early December. Keep your fingers crossed-- secret crossed!

Yes. I just said that. You have my permission to intardnet beat me up now.

For more information on THE SECRET CROSS, see this post!

Teaser for THE SECRET CROSS comic!! [Pimpin'!]

I posted this over in my LJ earlier, but I thought I'd put it up here, too:




Click on the image to make it bigger AND sexier!


And here's some copy (which is a way to say I'm lazy and just copied-- HA!-- my lj text, with a couple changes):

THE SECRET CROSS
The Secret Cross is an organisation formed under Otto von Bismarck (as a part of the Allmacht Projekt) in 1869 in order to defend the future German Empire and Europe from supernatural threats and the like. Flash-forward to 1914, World War One. The Secret Cross is there, whether on the battlefields or behind the lines, fighting some of the nastiest horrors you will ever see with rifles, Lugers, flamethrowers, bayonets, swords and trench-knives. Most of the story focuses on one of the Secret Cross units and their travails, as well as a new sketch artist draft-dodger who has been assigned to them as a form of punishment. The Secret Cross is the journey of how the terrors of war and the nightmarish beyond bring men closer together and is the first chapter of a greater story which explores the nature of evil.

WE ALL HAVE OUR SECRET CROSS TO BEAR.

And Dracula shows up. Have I mentioned that? Oh, yes. Dracula.
But not as you know him.

You'll see.

An upcoming comic book written by Steven G. Saunders (that's ME) and Stephen Lindsay (Jesus Hates Zombies) and illustrated by the masterful Dominic Vivona (Gunplay).

Neat, eh?

Stay tuned for more!

The United States Constitution [Previews!]

This is the trailer for the Farrar, Straus & Giroux comic book, The United States Constitution:



"Our leaders swear to uphold it, our military to defend it. It is the blueprint for the shape and function of government itself and what defines Americans as Americans. But how many of us truly know our Constitution?"

Tis the season, kids. Out now.

Blog-data courtesy of Periscope Studios.

Read more about it here.

(Cross posted to my Livejournal.)

Deadpool #1 [Comics!]

"Is this really the best plan we could come up with?"

Huh. Well, that was somewhat blandly interesting. Or interestingly bland. Or pop-tarts. The blueberry kind. Know what I mean?

Having not kept up on the "OMG! SKRULLZ!" stuff goin' on in the Marvel Universe, I might be missing out on a joke or two. But still, this issue is pretty straight forward. No surprises, decent Deadpoolian narration, great art and pretty much a meh-tastic, stock standard comic book for folks who dig comic books. It's not bad, it's not impressive-- it just is. It's also a good jumping on point (well, maybe) for new readers. Fact is, I thought writer Daniel Way was going to deliver something absolutely painful, and to be honest I kinda wish he had. See, this issue does have action, it has some Deadpool tropes and trappings we know and love, but it just doesn't... impress. It's horribly average. And I was hoping for something a little more on the stunning side, provided it didn't suck balls like I feared it would.

Scratch that. I'd rather have horribly average than averagely horrible. It's really better than I'm giving it credit for. After eating a cupcake while typing this, I realise I'm being a dick and should rate this comic a little higher. It does deserve that.

So, really, not a bad issue. In fact, I liked it. I just wish it was better. I love Deadpool, you see, and I was really enjoyed the end of that crazy run on Cable & Deadpool. But now my fave merc gets his own series again, and they gave it to a guy who is indeed very cool and nice, but the only thing I can think he did was a much hated run (ride?) on Ghost Rider. Personally, I didn't hate it all that much. I didn't like it... but I didn't dislike it either. It certainly wasn't as good, even all combined, as this first issue of the new Deadpool series.

Now, I know what you are thinking: "Screw you Steve, Deadpool is lame."

Wait, not you. Jerk.

I know what you are thinking: "Steve, as one Deadpool fan-being to another, will this issue appeal to me?"

Excellent question! And to that I have to say "Yes, but only tentatively. I think some fans will dig it, no doubt; but others will be quite cautious and will see where it goes, if anywhere, especially if it heads off to Ibiza to party. Everyone loves parties."

I fall in the latter category, in case you're wondering.

Hey, I don't care what you have to say on the matter, jerk!

Oh no, not you! I like you. Stay with me here.

Mr. Way does indeed seem to "get" Deadpool-- at least enough to write an okay first issue, anyhow. I will proudly admit that the last page is great, and classic Wade Wilson. The art is fantastic and a totally welcome sight for sore eyes...

Right, we'll pretend I didn't say that last bit. Did I really need to say it that way?

The art kicks serious ass. Seriously.

Overall, the whole issue is one great big fight scene, and it sure does look purty. As for how it's written, I can see Way has chosen the more zany aspects of Deadpool to focus on, and while that's all well and good, I sure pray he changes it up a bit or else this comic will get very, very boring very, very fast.

I do have faith, though. I think it can pulled off. I suppose it's a "wait and see" kind of thing.

No, not THAT kind of "wait and see". What's wrong with you?!

Aw, not you! Come on, don't cry. I meant it for that other guy. The jerk. It's okay... we can cuddle if you want.

Oh, I forgot to mention Deadpool #1 is pretty fun. Fun is fun, right? And Deadpool should be fun. And funny. And Deadpooly. I like Deadpooly things.

Lethality: Of the five-man party, two return spewing wild tales of oddly clawed beasts and dire penguins equipped with steam-powered jet-packs. "But you don't know what a jet-pack is!" says the GM. And to this the adventures remind him that they had purchased a bed and breakfast in the Barrier Peaks, where they kept pet vegepygmies. In obvious anger and frustration, the GM unleashes over-zealous daemonic weightlifting instructor automatons on the survivors. Will they get out of this alive?

Welcome to Hoxford #1

"Meat?"

Now here's a title I've been waiting a while for. If you had asked me a few years back, I would have said I didn't really care what Ben Templesmith was up to, and that I thought his work was okay but nothing to crow over. Ask me now? Well, that evil bastard Templesmith has burrowed his way into my black heart! Mainly with great books like Fell, Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse, and 30 Days of Night: Red Snow. Dead Space sure helps, too. Yeah, Mr. Templesmith has become one of my favourite artists these last couple of years. Not only that, but he's also now one of my fave story-writers.

Welcome to Hoxford, it should be said, is NOT for the faint of heart. This first issue only hints at the madness and bloodshed to come, and it's rather shocking on its own. We're introduced to a psychotic lunatic, Ray, who has OCD associated with biting, and in short order you will accept the fact he is one fucked up individual. After brutally killing his cell-mate, Ray is transfered to a new mental/prison facility called Hoxford, which is owned and operated by a Russian conglomerate with the government's blessing. On the way there, we meet some of the life-long, can't-escape-from pals Ray is going to make in his new home. Killers, rapists, a necrophiliac, a "kiddie fiddler"?

GOOD TIMES, I say.

This issue pretty much just sets things up for the convicts who are obviously on their way to a hell of some sort. By the final page you are left wondering "What's next? I have to wait until September? Oh, that's next month. Okay, then... I guess it's okay. Sort of."

I suppose the two things which come to mind right away from some reason are Alien³ and one of the best videogames created by mortal man, The Suffering. It's the whole nasty convicted criminals stuck with something bad. And I love it.

The art is the usual fare considering the artist-- and the usual fare is wildly unusual. Characters can look strange or distorted at times, even messy. but it all works. Sometimes colours are pretty solid in a single panel, washing almost everything out and other times they are lacking in a disturbing way. This is why I enjoy Ben Templesmith's work: His art is not only part of the story, it's a mood enhancer. It makes you think and feel unlike most other art. Yeah, it may take a little while to get used to; but once you do, be prepared for quite the visceral ride.

Evisceratingly visceral? Yes, I do believe this describes the art very well. You'll thank him for it, don't worry.

The story flows simply enough, kind of oozing forth as thick pitch would. Trust me when I tell you that this pitch is violently mesmerizing. There's really nothing more to it. Not yet, anyway. There will be, though. Like, how come in-mates/patients transferring out of there isn't on record?

All told, this is a fantastic first issue of what I hope is one messed up series. The mystery and apprehension is killing me! I can't wait until next month. Not just because my birthday is then, either.

Welcome to Hoxford #2 will make a nice present to myself.

Get more on this great comic here.


Lethality: The entire party is bitten to death by crazed necrophiliac gnomes. Only the halfling manages to escape quick death; and after he manages to crawl away, he got his intestines caught up on the local daycare's razor wire. A TPK of the most gruesome order!

Frank Frazetta's Dracula Meets the Wolfman

"Both make man want."

I'm tired and I had a lot of work to do on the new Total Party Kill column today (due out Tuesday on Comics Waiting Room), and so my cerebreal cortex is somewhat fried. However, I would still like to throw something up here for the day, and I can think of nothing cooler Than this Dracula Meets the Wolfman comic I picked up.

Now, straight out the gate this has two elements going for it: 1) Steve Niles, who's a competent writer and knows this material cold; 2) Francesco Fracavilla, who's one of the best artists working in the field of comics today-- and he's a personal favourite of mine (The Black Coat, Zorro). So far, so good. Throw Frazetta (!!!!) into the mix and we have a cake worth eating.

To say this comic is a masterpiece would be an outright, bald-faced lie. But that's not to say it's bad. Oh no! It's quite entertaining, in fact. This is a comic inspired by a Frazetta painting or something, and the first pages set up the face-off between Dracula and The Wolfman. And there's a woman involved. Really, there's no "meeting", unless you count deadly combat as "meeting".

Ha! Who am I fucking kidding? There's a lot of poeple who I'd like to "meet", so it's all good in the horror b-movie hood.

Francavilla is the real star here, providing some outstanding pulp-noir fight scenes that kick some serious ass. That's not to say Niles doesn't make a good showing. He sets up the brutal fighting quite nicely, and I'm very sure he came up with the story-- and it's a real hoot. Honestly, watching Wolfman and Dracula fight take me back to being a little kid, sitting there with popcorn while my dad tells me that a mummy or the Creature from the Black Lagoon should show up and pound them into paste. So, thanks goes out to the creators here for this whip-cracking hella good time.

Where does Frazetta fit into all of this? Have you seen the cover? Killer.

All in all, a fun comic. I felt that the ending was kind of jarring, what with the large time-jump happening, but it's only for three pages and then it ends. If you are an old horror movie goober like me, and like seeing stories inspired by Frazetta's remarkable and stunning art, this is for you. Money went spent for a good time.

Find out more here... if you dare!


Lethality: Three out of the five party members are decapitated, while one lost his legs. Though one got away unscathed, she'll always tremble at the sight of blood and dig a hole to hide in when the full moon is hanging in the sky.

Golly #1

"Fuck if I care-- how's my Spongebob look?"

I'm an unabashed fan of Phil Hester, so when I heard he was doing new book about the apocalypse and carnies, I was like "Hells yeah!". I will tell you this right off the bat, folks: Golly! is fun comic.

Imagine, if ye will, mashing together the best aspects of shows like Brimstone and Carnivale, and comics such as Hellboy, Proof, Preacher and The Goon. Now, shake them up together sewn into a human-skin bag marked NASCAR with some blood, Budweiser and hookers mixed in too. Got that? Okay, now imagine contortionist clowns playing with this bag. Sound unbelievably messed up? It kinda is. And I love it. Now, to be fair, the first issue isn't THAT messed up. It's not like jumping into Gutsville (another fantastically whacked comic I love), but it sure hints at it.

Golly, the main character, is a white-trash dude with a mullet who likes chew and works for a carnival as a mechanic and driver. He's not too sharp, talks like a goddamned sailor, but seems to be a good guy. When Ex-fatlady-now-strongwoman Pig knocks him out, he's visited by an angelic angel who digs earthworms who offers for him to become the Chosen One and fight daemonic baddies for Gawd.

Well, you get the idea.

And the art is excellent and done by Brook Turner. Honestly, when I first heard of this project, I thought Hester would be doing art (loved his stuff on Irredeemable Ant-Man). Then when I discovered there would be another artist, I was a tad apprehensive. But as you can plainly see here (courtesy of CBR), the illustrative duties are being handled in a manner most, well, excellent.

Yes. I meant to do that.

The writing is interesting, paced perfectly, and made me laugh out loud more than once... or twice... I lost track half-way through, actually. This is prime-cut Phil Hester bringing it and calling down the hellfire.

If you are looking for something fresh and new, yet with some of those familiar adult-humoured elements we all know and love, you cannot go wrong with picking Golly! up. I mean, seriously, how can you look at those preview pages up on CBR and not want to go forth and consume? How, I say?!

Great characters, great story, great art. This is why I read comics, man. Yeah, I'm lovin' it.

Get more information about Golly! here, y'all.


Lethality: TPK. Without a doubt. Some of them were melted, others were buggered to death with nasty pikes. It was horrible. The adventurer's families dead fainted upon hearing the news. They then called up some guys with mops and tweezers to clean up the mess.

The Boys #21

"Jesus wept--!"

I Tell You No Lie, G.I. part three

Time for another brief review. Let's take a look at the latest issue of The Boys, which is one of the best comics being produced today. In my opinion, anyway. But that's why I'm here-- to assail you with my opinions.

Anyway, Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson continue to show us why they are made from Pure Win with the continuation of The Legend spilling the stinky, messy beans to Wee Hughie about past events and helping fill us intrepid and daring readers in. Let me be perfectly honest here: These last few issues have been some amazing comics; easily the best of an already top-notch series. The story is in full gear now, and is moving along at a nice clip while giving us some more back-story to chew on.

#21 here focuses on The Seven when they tried to recuse a hijacked airliner and make it look easy since they have, you know, superpowers and all. Thing is, shit gets all jacked up (like we expected it to go smoothly?) and the results are nothing short of spectacular. Homelander is in top form, here, kids.

Don't forget to write to let him know he's the most super-awesome dick EVER.

This issue also covers another important aspect of the Boys Universe, that of their American Dark Day, their 9/11. By the end I was like "ahhhh, I see!", and man did it feel good. Robertson's art is also in top, top, TOP form here, his cover just adding to the sick fun.

Oh yeah, if you haven't read The Boys yet, you may want to make sure you have a twisted sense of humour before you did. Here's a test: Would you laugh at a little boy being ejected from an airplane to his death? If the answer is "Yes", then you are one sick, sick puppy who should be put down. But before you do, be sure to read all of The Boys first. In case you're wondering, I giggled like a little girl.

Hey, it was funny, okay? You just have to read it, I guess.

For all of you sick puppies out there who love a good story, this issue-- and whole damn series-- is for you. And by "you" I mean "us". We're all on board this crazy plane together, and it's sure one helluva ride.

More information can be found here.


Lethality: All six Super-Pals are beaten into bloody chunks by Homelander and his friends. Then Homelander beats his friends into bloody chunks. Then the by-standers. Plus three goldfish, a lemur, and two parakeets. Double TPK, plus ass-loads of collateral damage.

Eleventh Hour Vol. 1

"She couldn't cook."

I've been meaning to give this book a proper write-up for quite some time; and now that it's available to US denizens for free from WOWIO and each of the four issues can purchased for $0.99 by the rest of the world, I figure it's about time I say something.

You need this comic anthology.

If ever there was a current example of showcasing UK indie comics talent, this is it. This project is riddled with independent can-do spirit, and marks another proud moment in British comics history. Now, me and UK comics go waaaay back. I might be a dirty Amerikaner who lives in Canadia now, but most of my friends were either German or British growing up, and that meant Captain Future and 2000 AD for a budding grognerd like myself. What fascinated me most about British comics was their ability to whip out short stories, or epic stories in parts, each with a twist; or in the case of the epic arcs, lots of twists. My favourite American comics were like this too, but they had been long supplanted by standard superhero fare (with notable exceptions like Conan and Elfquest). When I was really little, my father treated me to all sorts of sci-fi, horror and fantasy comics like Tales From the Crypt, Vault of Horror, numerous Twilight Zone-like titles and DC's G.I. Combat. Most tales were brief, and had some sort of twist or moral. This led to me discovering 2000 AD at the British Exchange right outside of the NATO base near where I spent ten years of my life. I can safely say that the UK's most popular comic and best anthology offering on the market changed my life forever.

Flash-forward to me, here, almost thirty-three years of age. I just re-read my copy of the Eleventh Hour trade paperback for the third time. Know what? I'm gonna go in for a fourth. It's worth it. It was also worth purchasing for ten bucks, even though I already had an electronic review copy. And I'll tell you this: if you don't take WOWIO up on its offer of FREE Eleventh Hour (or, 99 cents for each of the four parts should you be outside of the USA), YOU ARE MAD. And not mad in the good "Hi, I'm an Alan Moore or Grant Morrison story" way. I mean just plain brain-buggered by pale imitation of those glorious little ear-chiggers from Wrath of Khan, kids.

In a nutshell, Eleventh Hour is some good shit.

Now I will tell you why, by giving you very short takes on each story. Ready? You damn well better be...

Seniors: This about a hero and villain being stuck in the same nursing home together. It ends with a "To be continued"-- which sucks because I want more. The art reminds me of Alex Ross in a way. Loved it.

Daughters of Lilith: A dark, fun short concerning hawt vampires. Good times.

The Sweetest Thing: A terrific unconventional two-pager, and probably the most evilly charming bit of the book. Fantastic! Sometimes less is lots more.

Rise and Shine: Already another story which is the first part of more pops up. Writer Ian Sharman shows that bending it better than Bendis ain't no thang. This story is both cute and interesting, focusing on a yappy teenaged girl who has powers of some sort. I'd love to see more!

Eye of the Storm: This is the only story in this volume that I didn't completely enjoy. And it's not because of the overall concept-- I really dug that. No, it's the lack of understanding how military things work, and the need to replace "fuck" with other words which... well, reading it as "Flamin' New Guy" was somewhat lame. I thought this book was for mature readers? But my gripes are a little deeper than these. Are these American troops? I assume they are... But they don't really talk like American soldier in late '60s Vietnam. Additionally, I just wish the story flowed better and the sarge never said he was a "superior officer". However, the ending? Brilliant. Very nice. I know of a guy who makes movies about seeing dead people and plants who kill that could use a lesson or two from this writer. UPDATE: It has been explained to me that the "F-bomb" bits were edited out to make this book available to a broader audience. Makes sense to me. Disregard those particular earlier quibbles from me, please.


Danick and the Dragon: My fellow nerdcore gaming-dorks, this is a story especially for you. Hackmaster and old-school AD&D vets take notice! Seriously, you'll be wanting to deploy Ye Olde Harlot Table for this one. Easily one of the best stories of the bunch, Ian is at it again showing us dullards that he has a knack for witty writing. Big points for using "OMFG" in a fantasy story and making it work. The ending? Made of +5 Win, and I wouldn't have it any different! Go ahead and click on that image on the left there to see a very large version of the Awesome. Now off to make a Hackmaster NPC named Danick Drakesbane...


The Mist: This is a nice short which reminds me of the pulps of a bygone era. I wouldn't mind seeing more in the future starring the panther-like female lead. Nicely done.

Innocence: Schoolgirl vs. Daemons as told in narrative. Good enough not to be mere filler. The same writer penned The Mist, which is the story before this one (which I'm sure you figure out-- I hope!). She does not disappoint.

Ghost Boy: This the the manga-esque offering, artistically, and it does not fail at being interesting. "Teenage life can be so cruel" pretty much sums up this story, which is really a poem about the kind of "friendly" heartbreak many of us have suffered in our lives. Well done, well done.

The Last Days of Cydonia: Another one of my faves in this collection! I'm a total sucker for these kinds of stories. Sadly, I can't say much or else I'll ruin the ending. Trust me, it's worth the read!

Mamluk: A space adventure complete with pirates and sweet dialogue. Apparantly, this is a taste of a larger tale and a comic unto its own, which is summed up as: "Mamluk is full on military sci-fi action combined with a dramatic tale of mystery, honor and dark betrayal. So, if you like fleet battles against pirates, ground forces going tank to tank, or commando units slogging through swamps, then Mamluk is for you." Yes, I feel Mamluk is for me. Would you like to know more?

Just Married: What we done got right here is a yarn that woulda been right at home on HBO's Tales From the Crypt! A good thing, to be sure. Nuns with guns are also certainly most welcome. The ending, as usual with these kind of stories, makes it all worthwhile. It will make you want to be sure you're careful about just where you get hitched, heathens.

And that's it for the 72 pages of black & white goodness. I would also like to add that while the art is quite good on each piece, the layout and look of this volume is of the utmost professional quality. I hear Ian Sharman is to blame for this, mostly, as Eleventh Hour is his baby. Another question is, why isn't he writing more books? Dude can write fine things, my friends.

But I won't heap all the laurels on Ian. That just wouldn't be fair to the other talented individuals who contributed to this tome of classic literature. Everyone involved (yes, even the ones who did the story I complained about) deserves more shots at creating cool stuff.

So... when's the next Eleventh Hour coming out?

Find out more about what I've been babbling about here, on the Orang Utan Comics website. Should you want this in hardcopy, I think Markosia still has some available so that you might order it from your local shop.

Then there's WOWIO: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four.


Lethality: Total party kill. Poor bastards never had a chance.

Reign in Hell #1

"It will be a glorious war."

As I've already said a couple times before, I'm sure, I'm not a fan of the DC Universe. I think the characters are pretty lame overall and I haven't REALLY enjoyed DCU stuff since, like, Alan Grant wrote Batman. Though high marks go out to Andy Diggle for Batman Confidential and Green Arrow: Year One. Yeah, I'm more of a Marvel guy when I have to pick between the Big Two, and I'm not that kind to their superheroes, either.

But when I saw this, my curiosity was piqued. See, I'm a sucker for anything Hell-ish. Daemons and devils and wars, oh my? Sign me up. With a title like Reign in Hell, I'm totally interested. So in the interests of my Hell-fetish and science, I picked it up.

The talent line-up stuck out to me first. Keith Giffen and Bill Sienkiewicz are on board? Nice! Gifffen can be pretty hit and miss at times, but when he's on he's ON. He's a solid writer, without a doubt. And I was pleased that Sienkiewicz was involved... until I saw the ink work. Seriously-- what the hell? I could be wrong here, but I do believe the inking looks rather rough. Unless that's Derenick's pencils doing that horrible shit? Yikes. In a way, the inking job does lend the book a 90s era indie feel, so I'll give it that. Honestly, it doesn't mess this issue up THAT bad... just a little. At least to me.

I guess "at least to me" is the operative term here. From nearly all accounts I've read and heard, Reign in Hell #1 is hated. No one seems to like it except little old me. Now, it does have it's problems. And if this were something from Moonstone or another delightful little publisher like them, it would be considered outstanding. However, this is a comic from one of the two biggest comics publishers in the known multiverse.

Regardless of some of the hiccups (what's up with that screwy lettering with those dude in The Gull? I gots a headache from that crap), I don't think this issue is all that bad. I had to do some research, which did kind of taint things for me a bit. This is indeed a DCU comic, and apparently these main characters are Z-rate Superman villains and 5th tier DCU characters. This was no problem with me. I don't know who that bloody hell these people are in the first place-- just that those demon fellas look really cool. The story is simple enough: WAR IN HELL. BRING POPCORN. And it actually reads better than a forum-based shit-fight, so I was pretty amused. The exposition gets a little tedious at times, but that just makes me think of old Thor comics, and that's not a bad thing. Eventually, characters and some folks' demonic halves are recalled to Hell in a single page of frames covering it all. Maybe this sort of jarring thing could have rated 3 pages or something, but whatever.

Later we are treated to a simple Dr. Occult story which relates to the Main Event (war in Hell, etc etc, in case you haven't been following). People complained about this, too, but I think it should appeal to Hellblazer, Dresden Files and Hellboy/BPRD fans.

Perhaps that's the problem... I cannot see how this mini-series will appeal to the standard run-of-the-mill DCU fan. I'm sure someone into DCU stuff will be interested or entertained, but most DCU fans I know absolutely despise Reign in Hell. I don't know why DC would throw together something like this and release it, but I do give them props for trying. I mean, to people like me, this is the most interesting thing to happen in the DCU since... Heck, I can't say. Azrael becoming Batman? Checkmate? Diggle doing Green Arrow*? I dunno. Something, probably.

(*Heh, that sounds funny.)

I'm not here to bash the DCU, so I'll stop. We all know where I stand-- and even with that in mind, I'm still willing to give any comic a chance. Reign in Hell #1 is a rather fun, if somewhat average comic. I may be confused about a few things (like, who are those people with the chimp in Gotham? They look familiar... I better look into it... for SCIENCE!), but I was entertained.

And that's what counts.

I'll be checking out #2 when it comes out, and I will have no shame in doing so.
(Because I will be in disguised as Naruto.)

It just occurred to me that I really didn't tell you much about this comic. I told you how I felt and all, but what's it all about, aside from the war in Hell thing? Fortunately for you, more information can be found here! Lord Satanus and Neron are pretty hella wicked, by the way.

Yeah. I go the extra mile for you.


Lethality: The party is still smoking from all those fire attacks. The halfling looks and smells more like bacon than a rogue. Ah, now the fighter is hungry... One fatality after all!

Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe

"You're sorry?"

(This covers the original 1995 release and 2000 re-issue. Another re-issue is due out soon.)

By the ancient year of 1995 CE I had grown incredibly disenfranchised with comic books in general. Mostly ones involving superheroes. I cannot tell you much about supes comics in '95 because I was too busy with work, school, and chasing women. My hair meant more to me. It was blue or something. Still, I love good 'ol Frank Castle. Sure, he'd been jerked around a bit by this point-- but at least he hadn't been turned into something like, say, an avenging angel or some bullshit like that.

No, that sort of thing was yet to come.

Garth Ennis was already a big hero to me, what with his work on Judge Dredd and Hellblazer fresh in my mind. I'd already built a super-neat altar to him in my mind. In fact, I think he was the first comics writer I truly fell for (aside from the awesome Wendy Pini, who looked much better as Red Sonja than Garth. Sorry, Mr. Ennis, it's a true fact.). Yeah, what he did with Hellblazer was pure magic, folks. And Preacher... well, I'm not sure if Preacher was on stands before Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe. They were released in the same year, if I recall correctly.

What I do remember was that this one-shot didn't really gain much attention when it was released. I came across it purely by chance while at the local shop looking for the new Hellblazer. The whole concept snagged me right away: Frank Castle is going to kill all these motherfuckers. YES.

'Some of the best money I've ever spent! No, it didn't bring me back to superhero comics (I blame Mark Millar and Ultimates for making me interested again), but it sure reminded me of my deep, profound love for The Punisher and Garth Ennis (and later again with Steve Dillon, who did the cover art for the 2000 reprint-- one of my fave covers ever). At the time, I had two thoughts: 1) I sure wish Garth Ennis would write the Punisher, dammit and 2) I sure wish Garth Ennis would do a series that totally messes with superheroes. Both wishes would become true, what with Welcome Back, Frank hitting the stands 5 years later and then The Boys launching in 2006.

Anyhowitzer, let's get on point. Or some reasonably close approximation to it. The Punisher does indeed kill the Marvel Universe, and he does it a long, drawn out and brutal manner. From the point where he shows up on scene just in time to find out his family was accidentally wiped out by careless super-powered crime-fighters to the chilling, but not-very-shocking conclusion, Frank goes full tilt taking out them pesky caped convention rejects. Another thing which is interesting is how Ennis weaves daredevil into Castle's life, making him and Matt Murdock know of each other from childhood. And just how does the Punisher get all outfitted if he doesn't have criminals to, er, solicit "donations" from? Easy-- he's supported by a group of people who've been harmed and/or lost loved ones from super-powered related mishaps. That bit sound familiar? Yeah, it reminds me of The Boys a little, too. Totally a good thing, mind.

It may seem like this story shouldn't work, but it does. I feel this is mainly due to Ennis just using common sense in the matters of superhero hunting-killing. I mean, how Frank takes out Hulk? Makes sense. In fact, it makes so much sense that it reminded me why I don't read Hulk stuff all that often (save for Planet Hulk, of course). And the X-Men? Well, let's just say destructive technology finally served a noble purpose. Wolverines death was great... that is until they made him heal back from being burned to the bone in a Civil War crossover issue of Wolverine (but he'll always be killable to me, dammit). The slaying of Cap? COLD. Seriously.

I suppose I could have easily read 400 pages of Marvel heroes being murdered in various way. Hey! Don't judge me. It's an alternaverse comic thingy. It's not real. In reality most of the 616 is utterly unkillable unless they stop making marvel money; and then, ironically, it's Punisher who kills them off. But yeah, no actual marvel characters were harmed. It's all just a fantasy, a What if...

I haven't mentioned the art... so allow me a few sentences to do so. Doug Braithwaite's pencils are visceral and perfectly bring across the grim nature of this issue. I don't know why there are so many inkers. I mean, there's like sic of them. There are two colourists, as well. I find this to be interesting, and I don't know if it improves or takes away from the finished product. Regardless, the art works. It looks pretty 90's in style, but not TOO nineties, if you know what I mean. It all probably wouldn't satisfy fans as much today, but for 1995 this comic looks sweet.

This is a terrific book, no doubt about it. If you love Punisher and Garth Ennis like me, then you should dig it. If you're into seeing different takes on superhero tropes, then you should pick this up. And I have great news! Marvel is re-issuing this bad boy for you unwashed masses to consume yet again! Mark your calenders, true believers, Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe re-hits the shops come Tuesday Wednesday.

I plan to buy it, oh yes I do. I must consume the good things, you know. And after I flip through this shiny new re-release, I'll post my thoughts on it.

Would it be in bad form to say "See you next Tuesday"?
("Yes, Steve, you damned fool. This comic comes out Wednesday, NOT Tuesday. Stop the crazy drugs, man!")


Lethality: Marvel Universe TPK. Naturally.