TOTAL PARTY KILL #2

Just covering my personal blog-assosphere, and posting that the new TOTAL PARTY KILL column is up over at Comics Waiting Room!

What should you expect to get your grubby eye-mitts on? Here's a taste:

"In this installment, you can find coverage on the following: Chaosium’s Basic RPG, Pathfinder RPG Beta, a couple terrain treats from Fat Dragon Games, me not really covering Warhammer 40,000: Dark Heresy , Grey Ranks, Foundry miniatures, some excellent ideas sources via MonkeyGod Enterprises, Geneforge 4 and other tasty items.

I’ll also give you my quick opinion on the following comics: Red Sonja #36, Fall of Cthulhu: Godwar #1, Crossed #0, Army of Darkness #11, Knights of the Dinner Table Special #1, H.P. Lovecraft’s Haunt of Horror, Dragonlance Legends #1, The Gloom, two Warhammer 40k comics and more…"

So... what are you waiting for?

GO HERE NOW, plz.


Lethality: What? You need a Lethality Rating? Pah! Not to toot my own galleon-load of trumpets, but I think TPK is a triple TPK at least this bi-week. So there.

Welcome to Hoxford #1

"Meat?"

Now here's a title I've been waiting a while for. If you had asked me a few years back, I would have said I didn't really care what Ben Templesmith was up to, and that I thought his work was okay but nothing to crow over. Ask me now? Well, that evil bastard Templesmith has burrowed his way into my black heart! Mainly with great books like Fell, Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse, and 30 Days of Night: Red Snow. Dead Space sure helps, too. Yeah, Mr. Templesmith has become one of my favourite artists these last couple of years. Not only that, but he's also now one of my fave story-writers.

Welcome to Hoxford, it should be said, is NOT for the faint of heart. This first issue only hints at the madness and bloodshed to come, and it's rather shocking on its own. We're introduced to a psychotic lunatic, Ray, who has OCD associated with biting, and in short order you will accept the fact he is one fucked up individual. After brutally killing his cell-mate, Ray is transfered to a new mental/prison facility called Hoxford, which is owned and operated by a Russian conglomerate with the government's blessing. On the way there, we meet some of the life-long, can't-escape-from pals Ray is going to make in his new home. Killers, rapists, a necrophiliac, a "kiddie fiddler"?

GOOD TIMES, I say.

This issue pretty much just sets things up for the convicts who are obviously on their way to a hell of some sort. By the final page you are left wondering "What's next? I have to wait until September? Oh, that's next month. Okay, then... I guess it's okay. Sort of."

I suppose the two things which come to mind right away from some reason are Alien³ and one of the best videogames created by mortal man, The Suffering. It's the whole nasty convicted criminals stuck with something bad. And I love it.

The art is the usual fare considering the artist-- and the usual fare is wildly unusual. Characters can look strange or distorted at times, even messy. but it all works. Sometimes colours are pretty solid in a single panel, washing almost everything out and other times they are lacking in a disturbing way. This is why I enjoy Ben Templesmith's work: His art is not only part of the story, it's a mood enhancer. It makes you think and feel unlike most other art. Yeah, it may take a little while to get used to; but once you do, be prepared for quite the visceral ride.

Evisceratingly visceral? Yes, I do believe this describes the art very well. You'll thank him for it, don't worry.

The story flows simply enough, kind of oozing forth as thick pitch would. Trust me when I tell you that this pitch is violently mesmerizing. There's really nothing more to it. Not yet, anyway. There will be, though. Like, how come in-mates/patients transferring out of there isn't on record?

All told, this is a fantastic first issue of what I hope is one messed up series. The mystery and apprehension is killing me! I can't wait until next month. Not just because my birthday is then, either.

Welcome to Hoxford #2 will make a nice present to myself.

Get more on this great comic here.


Lethality: The entire party is bitten to death by crazed necrophiliac gnomes. Only the halfling manages to escape quick death; and after he manages to crawl away, he got his intestines caught up on the local daycare's razor wire. A TPK of the most gruesome order!

Found on the Internet: Zombie Hunt

I'm really, really tired now, and just want to relax today. This meant trying to potty train two children.

No, you don't want to know more. In the spirit of laziness, I don't feel like reviewing anything today. Hey, I said I'm being lazy, alright!?

Anyhow, here's something super awesome my buddy Park Cooper linked to earlier.

That's right, zombie killin' Lego style!

How cool is that? I'll tell you: Very freaking cool!!!

And since I'm here, I might as well give you folks who read Grognerd here some cool time-machine action. See, my next TOTAL PARTY KILL column doesn't show up until tomorrow, but if you click here you'll get to take a look at TPK #3 from the comfort of your time-machineless hovel / coffee hangout / bus stop.

It's SCIENCE.


Lethality: Party is TPK'd by the undead. Duh.

Frank Frazetta's Dracula Meets the Wolfman

"Both make man want."

I'm tired and I had a lot of work to do on the new Total Party Kill column today (due out Tuesday on Comics Waiting Room), and so my cerebreal cortex is somewhat fried. However, I would still like to throw something up here for the day, and I can think of nothing cooler Than this Dracula Meets the Wolfman comic I picked up.

Now, straight out the gate this has two elements going for it: 1) Steve Niles, who's a competent writer and knows this material cold; 2) Francesco Fracavilla, who's one of the best artists working in the field of comics today-- and he's a personal favourite of mine (The Black Coat, Zorro). So far, so good. Throw Frazetta (!!!!) into the mix and we have a cake worth eating.

To say this comic is a masterpiece would be an outright, bald-faced lie. But that's not to say it's bad. Oh no! It's quite entertaining, in fact. This is a comic inspired by a Frazetta painting or something, and the first pages set up the face-off between Dracula and The Wolfman. And there's a woman involved. Really, there's no "meeting", unless you count deadly combat as "meeting".

Ha! Who am I fucking kidding? There's a lot of poeple who I'd like to "meet", so it's all good in the horror b-movie hood.

Francavilla is the real star here, providing some outstanding pulp-noir fight scenes that kick some serious ass. That's not to say Niles doesn't make a good showing. He sets up the brutal fighting quite nicely, and I'm very sure he came up with the story-- and it's a real hoot. Honestly, watching Wolfman and Dracula fight take me back to being a little kid, sitting there with popcorn while my dad tells me that a mummy or the Creature from the Black Lagoon should show up and pound them into paste. So, thanks goes out to the creators here for this whip-cracking hella good time.

Where does Frazetta fit into all of this? Have you seen the cover? Killer.

All in all, a fun comic. I felt that the ending was kind of jarring, what with the large time-jump happening, but it's only for three pages and then it ends. If you are an old horror movie goober like me, and like seeing stories inspired by Frazetta's remarkable and stunning art, this is for you. Money went spent for a good time.

Find out more here... if you dare!


Lethality: Three out of the five party members are decapitated, while one lost his legs. Though one got away unscathed, she'll always tremble at the sight of blood and dig a hole to hide in when the full moon is hanging in the sky.

Hellboy: The Crooked Man #2

"Yeah. Jeez."

One of the things I like most about Mike Mignola is his ability to not only change up stories, but change up his story-telling style, as well. I'll admit I was a bit wary while reading the first issue in this three-part series. It seemed like Mignola might just be doin' a hillbilly phone-in.

But no! He's right on target, and still very much a master talesman. The Crooked Man will probably end up as one of my favourite off-the-beaten-path Hellboy story. I mean, most Hellboy is weird and strange and cool and weird. Well, weird to most-- it's perfectly normal to me. But Crooked Man? I little odd for me, which is great. This story has all sorts of downhome goodness. Family, witches, disgusting white insectoid creatures. In other words: Good times.

The story is simple enough... In 1958 Hellboy and his new buddy, Tom, are trying to get Tom's soul back from the devil, who he sold it to. They traverse the wilds of Appalachia and encounter all sorts of crap. From what I've read elsewhere, this story is steeped in Appalachian folklore. I'm not all that familiar in that area of study, but I'm sure Mignola has it down cold. I'm certainly enjoying the ride so far!

Richard Corben is perfect as our illustrative guide on this bizarre journey into a part of America few know, or would ever want to know. His imagery is bleak and dark and just downright scary at times. I'm tellin' ya, when I saw the white creature spring from Cora's mouth I about shit my pants.

I love this evil man-artist with all my black heart.

#3 can't come soon enough! I love these little fill-ins on Hellboy's past. I hope they explore more of this kind of thing in the future.

Fellow Hellboy fans, go forth and procure this series. You ain't gonna regret it, y'hear?

Read more about The Crooked Man here.


Lethality: The 6-man group gets lost in the woods. In an act of desperation, they decide to marry their sisters in order to achieve salvation. Five of them succeed, only to randomly killed by scissor-wilding maggot creatures. Very, very messy.

The Punisher #60

"I don't do redemption."

This is it. The last issue of Garth Ennis' Punisher MAX run. Holy hell, has it been GLORIOUS. Sixty issues of near-perfection. It's probably one of the greatest runs in comics, sadly overshadowed by the fact it isn't Superman or Spider-Man or some hip indie comic.

No, this is the motherfucking Punisher. The way he should be: hardcore. I've loved Frank Castle since the original mini-series. Sure, I was aware of The Punisher as a character before that, but I was pretty young. By the time the mini-series came out, I was ready for Frank.

And I loved him.

But Frank started getting old, and I don't mean age-wise. His tricks became pretty stale, and writers just started phoning it in with him. Then he had some story where he was an abenging angel or something. Poor Frank.

Then, like an angel himself, Garth Ennis rode in with "Welcome Back, Frank" and Punisher was good again. No, not just good-- AMAZING. Not long after, Marvel had Garth start doing the MAX titles, and one of the best comic book runs in the history of comic books was born. And now... now it ends.

We knew this day was coming. We knew Ennis would drop off at #60. We knew it would be terrific and we'd feel good, that there would be no pomp or circumstance, that Frank would just keep on goin'... and killin'. And that's how it happened.

Valley Forge, Valley Forge has been one helluva final Punisher MAX arc for Ennis and artist Goran Parlov; who, I must say, brings a very welcome Guy Davis like quality to the title. His stark, almost simple take on things really compliments Garth Ennis' solid and unflinching script. The book excerpts interspersed within the comic are pure genius and massively add to the feel, reminding me a lot of Michael Herr's Dispatches. You know, Garth Ennis should write a military history book or something. I would buy that without any hesitation.

This last Ennis issue covers many things. Justice, revenge, punishment, loyalty, debts owed, a nice twist. It's all here. And I don't want to spoil the end, but I will say it's very fitting, if somewhat anti-climactic.

Just the way it should be.

Oh, and Nick Fury? Always a bonus.

After Ennis' run wraps up, we are then treated to a preview of #61 and the fresh new team attached to the title now. Writer Gregg Hurwitz and artists Laurence Campbell and Lee Loughridge do a fine job from what I can tell, but sadly it tells us nothing more than "we can do the Punisher you know". Will they bring something cool and new to the table? Is that even possible? I'll reserve judgment until #61 hits shelves. Until then, I'll have no fear because it looks like Frank will be alright.

Pertinent data here.


Lethality: Total Punishment Kill. Thanks for the goddamn outstanding run, Garth. You will be missed on this title. I hope you do some more with Frank in the future. I'll be on the hunt for more of Parlov's work as well!

Golly #1

"Fuck if I care-- how's my Spongebob look?"

I'm an unabashed fan of Phil Hester, so when I heard he was doing new book about the apocalypse and carnies, I was like "Hells yeah!". I will tell you this right off the bat, folks: Golly! is fun comic.

Imagine, if ye will, mashing together the best aspects of shows like Brimstone and Carnivale, and comics such as Hellboy, Proof, Preacher and The Goon. Now, shake them up together sewn into a human-skin bag marked NASCAR with some blood, Budweiser and hookers mixed in too. Got that? Okay, now imagine contortionist clowns playing with this bag. Sound unbelievably messed up? It kinda is. And I love it. Now, to be fair, the first issue isn't THAT messed up. It's not like jumping into Gutsville (another fantastically whacked comic I love), but it sure hints at it.

Golly, the main character, is a white-trash dude with a mullet who likes chew and works for a carnival as a mechanic and driver. He's not too sharp, talks like a goddamned sailor, but seems to be a good guy. When Ex-fatlady-now-strongwoman Pig knocks him out, he's visited by an angelic angel who digs earthworms who offers for him to become the Chosen One and fight daemonic baddies for Gawd.

Well, you get the idea.

And the art is excellent and done by Brook Turner. Honestly, when I first heard of this project, I thought Hester would be doing art (loved his stuff on Irredeemable Ant-Man). Then when I discovered there would be another artist, I was a tad apprehensive. But as you can plainly see here (courtesy of CBR), the illustrative duties are being handled in a manner most, well, excellent.

Yes. I meant to do that.

The writing is interesting, paced perfectly, and made me laugh out loud more than once... or twice... I lost track half-way through, actually. This is prime-cut Phil Hester bringing it and calling down the hellfire.

If you are looking for something fresh and new, yet with some of those familiar adult-humoured elements we all know and love, you cannot go wrong with picking Golly! up. I mean, seriously, how can you look at those preview pages up on CBR and not want to go forth and consume? How, I say?!

Great characters, great story, great art. This is why I read comics, man. Yeah, I'm lovin' it.

Get more information about Golly! here, y'all.


Lethality: TPK. Without a doubt. Some of them were melted, others were buggered to death with nasty pikes. It was horrible. The adventurer's families dead fainted upon hearing the news. They then called up some guys with mops and tweezers to clean up the mess.